Mosquitoes.

As Dwight David Eisenhower once said, 

"Ankles are nearly always neat and good looking, but knees are nearly always not." 

 I think mosquitoes agree, because they love my ankles. No, let me rephrase that; mosquitoes ADORE my ankles ... and my legs ... and my wrists ... and ... well you get the picture. (They do seem to avoid my knees interestingly!).

So for the past three months, my lower limbs have looked similar to a Dalmatian; instead of white with black spots, my legs are brown with red spots. Most attractive!

I have tried dressing in a decorous Victorian fashion and show as little leg as possible, but in this heat it is too much for me to bear, although I have yet to swoon!

So to make myself, and the family, less attractive to these blood-suckers, we all eat plenty of garlic infused food; when ingested, garlic makes the blood less attractive to female mosquitoes. I also regularly cover myself in Deet insect repellent; as you can imagine, I smell great! At home we have plug-ins in the bedrooms and burning, swirling smelly things and citronella candles are lit most evenings. Oh, and don't forget the cans and cans of bug spray that are stored in various cupboards around the house, and the insect nets on all the windows. But nothing works. My legs still have the appearance of carrying some infectious disease.

Thankfully I am not too vain: what with my polka-dot legs and my once dark brown hair turning ginger (with an inch thick black roots and gloriously grey streaks - please pick up on the sarcastic tone here reader!), I must look as good as my Deet-sprayed body smells. 

However, for the past ten days, I have been taking Thiamin Plus. Recommended by our neighbour, Randy, it apparently produces a body odour (brilliant, another one!!) that female mosquitoes hate. The supplement, otherwise known as Vitamin B1, is supposed to take two weeks before it becomes effective, but so far ... so good. I have not been bitten for about a week. 

Thank God as I don't relish the next product on my list of preventative measures ... apple cider vinegar, yuck!